I’m so fucking done with people not treating turtles like a serious pet. GOD it’s just like people who want lizards get fucking iguanas even though they are HIGH EXPERIENCE PETS. people say OH I want a TURTLE I will get a fucking slider because they are cheap and small and THEN they get a foot fucking long and need a giant tank and a varied diet but people don’t want to pay for that or expensive filters so they fucking abuse them or throw them in a pond and GUESS WHAT they are killing machines. they kill EVERYTHING and eat it. NEVER release a captive animal into the wild. Even if it’s native the animal may have been exposed to diseases or parasites that could infect the wild population. seriously.. just.. don’t fucking do it. find a rescue or something. And never, ever, ever get an animal that you plan to throw away.
This was the welcome note in my church’s booklet for today’s service. I just thought some of you would like to know that the true message of Christianity is one of love and acceptance.
MAN, YOUR CHURCH SOUNDS BOSS.
Religion, you’re doing it right
Them: I don't think kids should be exposed to gay relationships.
You: Why not?
Them: It's introducing children to sexuality! They're too young for that!
You: So when a prince and princess kiss in a Disney movie, are they introduced to sexuality? When the prince and the princess get married and have a child, is that introducing your child to sexuality?
Them: NO! But if they see a man and a man, or a woman and a woman together... they're going to start asking questions! Like how a man and a man can... you know, do anything together.
You: You think the only thing people think when they see a gay couple is "I wonder how they have sex"? Furthermore, you think a CHILD is going to even know what that means? When the prince and the princess kiss, does your 4 year old daughter ask, "mommy, how do people have intercourse"? No. She just sees two people in love. If you remember when you were a kid, you probably didn't think about sex every time you saw two people happy together.
Them: But it'll bring up all kinds of questions, it'll confuse my child!
You: Then be a fucking parent and explain it to your child. The only question that might be brought up is "mom, why don't you want gay people to be happy?". And when you don't have a good answer for that question, you can look your child in the eye and say "It's because I'm a bigot".
The Cosplayer is Always Right
(Our Japanese restaurant is near a school that annually hosts an anime convention. So, it’s fairly common to have cosplayers among our customers at the time of the con. The owner is okay with it as long as they don’t annoy the other customers. On this day, we seat twelve cosplayers and, later, I seat three young customers near them.)
Young Customer #1: “What is this? Why are those guys costumed?”
Me: “Oh, there’s a large anime convention ongoing at the local school. It’s rather common to see them at the times of the gathering.”
Young Customer #1: *chuckles* “Yeah, what a bunch of dorks.”
Young Customer #2: “Total nerds.”
(Since there are no other free tables and they didn’t pre-order a table, they sit near the cosplayers while mocking them under their breath. In the meantime, a cosplayer of Pikachu is talking somewhat loudly on his phone.)
Young Customer #2: *waves at me* “Hey, you! Tell those dorks to shut up!”
Halo Cosplayer: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir.” *to ‘Pikachu’* “Dude, not so loud. You’re bothering people.”
Pikachu Cosplayer: “What? Oh, sorry to bother you guys.” *starts talking again, but much quieter*
Young Customer #3: “Yeah, that’s right. Shut up, you virgin nerd!”
Young Customer #1: “Go back to the library, virgins!”
(At this point, I warn the owner about the behavior of the younger customers. He immediately goes to their table.)
Owner: “What seems to be the problem?”
Young Customer #1: “It’s not our fault. Those nerds started to insult us! We’re not going to stay here and do nothing!”
Owner: “My staff told me the contrary, actually.”
Young Customer #3: “What?! That b***h waitress is lying!”
Owner: “Sir, I won’t allow you to insult my staff or customers. Those cosplayers were extremely polite and quiet during their meals, unlike you. If someone must be thrown out, it’s you.”
(In the blink of an eye, one of the young customers gets up and tries to grab the owner. However, to our surprise, one of the cosplayers playing Batman grabs him by the hair, slams him on the table and holds him still.)
Young Customer #1: “OW! That f***ing hurts! Who the f*** do you think you are, you motherf***er?!”
Batman Cosplayer: *in a raspy tone* “I am vengeance. I am the night. I am… Batman.”
(The two other customers begin to yell, but quickly shut up when all the cosplayers get up and surround them, showing that most of them are clearly larger than them. The mall security arrests the bad customers, and the cosplayers leave after apologizing for the trouble. However, it’s not before we snap a picture with them. Now, we frequently joke about that time when Batman, Pikachu and Master Chief saved the restaurant!)
There are people who look just like me. Thousands and thousands who die for the freedom to define their own lives for themselves.
THANK YOU.
“BECAUSE I AM NOT DEFINED BY YOU EITHER.” Everything ever.
I started reading and was like “what the actual fuck” before reaching the end
bless you
Same with me, I thought this was some stupid fuck till I finished reading
person: she—
me: it’s he.
person: *condescending smile* well, on your birth certificate—
me: yeah, it also says ’ 8lbs, 6 oz ‘— a lot has changed over the yearsOh SNAP that is the best comeback I’ve ever heard!!!
